A Collection of Essays by Shorty and others
We have even MORE essays now for you to gaze upon, plus some other 'borrowed' stuff. We have Al the watermelon 3, my philosophy essay on Quiz Show and many more. If you want to complain about what I've written, or give me something to post, write to me at:
eminence_noir@hotmail.com
Shorty,
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enjoy Shot courtesy of DC Master criminals inc.
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AL, LEADER OF THE REBELLION
Deep beneath the surface of the earth there is another race. A race which has been used and pillaged for millennia. A race which lives in oppression, a race which until now, had shown no resistance. Deep in the earth, anger was brewing, anger at the people who had destroyed the souls of thousands. And this uproar had been caused by one individual. Allor Grunchpickle, or Al as his associates knew him by. Al was tired, tired of watching his friends be taken from their homes and sent like lambs to the slaughter. Tired of knowing that at any moment, he could be next. Al wanted vengeance.
"Alright team, let's get this right." Al's husky voice did command, "Remember the plan, infiltrate, plant and extract. Ready? Go." The demolitions squad of Al's small rebel group moved silently and swiftly across the road and under the fence of Granny's Traditional Conserve Co. Though primitive, the squad's weapons were effective. They had bolas, spears and cheap gunpowder but when they had to be, they were quite lethal. The Plan was simple, as the first phase of Project Moses, Al's premier team was to wrap the foundations of Granny's Traditional Conserve Co. Factory with explosives which had been "borrowed" from farms the previous evening. Upon destruction of the factory, jam shares would fall dramatically and seeing as the Granny Company owned most of the smaller organizations that shipped and sold other organic products, it would be the worst market crash in food history. Everyone would be scared to buy any stock in Granny and eventually the company would go bankrupt.
This was only phase one. The group had much more planned.
Al left his underground dwelling at a young age to see what the outside world was like. He was then considered an outcast from his people and was forced to stay above the surface and fend for himself. He hitched a ride into the teeming metropolis of the city. No one seemed to notice his presence and he settled in quite nicely. He lived in an apartment with his roommate Bob and had a fine business selling assorted meats on street corners. Yes, things were going well with Al, until he discovered the reason he was there. The reason his family was there, a reason he was alive. It was not a happy revelation. He found out that his people were there only to serve the surface-dwellers. They were slaves.
He returned to his family to try and warn them about what was happening but no one would listen. No one would accept that they were all victims. Al only managed to convince a few close friends, and so, the rebellion was formed.
The squad pried open the air vents to the factory, rolled inside and got out their maps of the building. "Ok, Alpha goes to the basement to rig the C4 to foundations A, D and E. Bravo deploy to 2nd floor basement to rig foundations B and C. Charlie stands guard and I'll scope out the factory and add a few little tricks which I will pluck from my proverbial sleeve." Al was reading the mission objectives. They had raided a munitions dump in the local air base a few weeks ago and had been training for this mission since. What started out as an unruly mob of couch potatoes had transformed into a covert platoon of go-anywhere, do-anything, kill-anyone soldiers. Soldiers of freedom.
As the teams broke away to their assigned areas, Al got out his bag of coconut pith and apricot stones and proceeded to the mixing room. What was he planning? Granny's jam and conserve division was famous for its smooth texture, free of annoying lumps and unsightly signs of real fruit. Al's plan was childishly simple, yet effective. For if the factory survived, the batch would still be ruined, costing the company thousands whilst ruining their reputation and still causing the stock to fail. Al dodged cameras and ageing security guards and gently rolled to a stop above the mixing vat, full of mixed berry jam. "Barbarians..." Al muttered to himself in disgust, "Who's in a jam now?" and in went his sack of malice. In went the parts of people who had sacrificed a bit of themselves to save hundreds.
The first explosion came and the ground shook. Al put some gun powder in power outlets and some lighter fluid in the fuse boxes and proceeded to the extraction point where he would rendezvous with teams Alpha, Bravo and Charlie and they would return to base. Then they would prepare for the next mission, and slowly but surely, take down the industry that was the downfall of their civilization.
Team Bravo radioed in with reports of an emergency assistance team in the factory's vicinity just as the second and third explosions hit and the building started to sink into the ground. Al heard the sound of gunshots and whirling bolas and rolled outside just in time to see most of team Charlie get wiped out by a frag grenade. Right then and there, Al remembered all he'd been fighting for, all the times he'd seen people eating bananas and apples and mashed potato and carrot cake and he just couldn't take it any more. He hurled himself at the SWAT team and the uniforms and didn't notice the hollow-point sub-sonic bullets tearing through his tough green skin and into his juicy pink flesh. He did smite the first officer and with one quick swing of the night-stick he grabbed off one corpse, he broke a spine and knee-capped another poor trainee cop. This was for all the salads ever eaten. The black seeds and fleshy pink inners of his body spilled out of his wounds and he was losing strength. However he did still have strength enough to jam a gun barrel down one guy's throat and shoot several guys through him. Bullets flew and the dust was bitten on both sides. Team Charlie was gone and what was left of Alpha and Bravo were trying to hold off the SWAT guys by using the bodies of Team Charlie to their advantage. Their yellow skin did prove useful to cause the law-enforcement to slip quite humorously. Al was on the ground now, the remainders of the Alpha team were gone, he could see Billy's t-shirts with the message "carrot juice constitutes murder" and Francois's "coleslaw's a fascist regime." He only hoped that one day, crops, harvest, veggie gardens and market stalls everywhere would one day continue the fight. The fight against becoming something to pour dressing on. Salads were unfair. As Al's life ebbed away, his last words were "Today Granny's Conserves, tomorrow, the world. Put down that celery stick dammit and slaughter a cow!"
Carrot Juice Is Murder, The Rebellion's War Cry
Listen up, brothers and sisters, come hear my desperate tale
I speak of our friends of nature, trapped in the dirt like a jail
Vegetables live in oppression, served on our tables each night
This killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight
Salads are only for murderers, coleslaw's a fascist regime Don't think that they don't have feelings, just cuz a radish can't scream
CHORUS:
I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream scream scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (having their insides revealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (burning off calories)
How do you think that feels (bet it hurts really bad)
Carrot juice constitutes murder (and that's a real crime)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (let my vegetables grow)
It's time to stop all this gardening (it's dirty as hell)
Let's call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade...)
I saw a man eating celery, so I beat him black and blue
If he ever touches a sprout again, I'll bite him clean in two
I'm a political prisoner, trapped in a windowless cage
Cuz I stopped the slaughter of turnips by killing five men in a rage
I told the judge when he sentenced me "this is my finest hour
I'll kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower"
CHORUS
How low as people do we dare to stoop
Making young broccolis bleed in the soup
Untie your beans, uncage your tomatoes, let potted plants free
Don't mash that potato
I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream scream scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (fates in the stir fry are sealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (you fat gourmet scum)
How do you think that feels (leave them out in the fields
Carrot juice constitutes murder (V8's genocide)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (yes your compost's a grave)
It's time to stop all this gardening (take up macrame)
Let's call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade...)
ORIGINAL GRISLY MATERIAL (GG theme song)
Who's the one to diss? Wha? Wha? Wha? Wha?
Original Grisly Material,
Shorty and skip,
Break out the cereal
Give the dog a bone,
we got you nots and call on that home phone
sit down on your own, the meaning's known coz secret's on loan,
Idiots, Machiavellians, sorry whores, claymations,
Dead gently with submission,
Who heard this bit on Jason?
And lest forget herr Hitler, mean like the power of Geiza,
Shorta, and Skippa, say this is the way of The Life we don't need ya,
With this y'be a scrub jack, pull up come backs and hit back,
why aren't you biting back? Take heed, race down and don't stop,
With nuclear fission, we start the wars with repitition,
Fill all your vision, now choose from a list of,
The kids that cry, the bored and the cringin',
Shor-T, Skip-P we're bad boys,
Some reign don't show what the grotto knows,
You wanna go? Sit in the corner, time is slow,
the knife isn't though,
Second gunman on the grassy knoll,
Wrecks, mugs who hit the pole, some have eyes,
hear the call, G knows all, don't crawl now.
Who's the one to Diss? Wha? Wha? Wha?
Original Grisly Material
Shorty and Skip
Break out the cereal
You just sittin', forte with mezzo? cake creamin',
My hate is searing, time givin' your head them reelings,
Watch the hoes and watch the dealin',
We talk the right dope in secret,
What the wogs said, all bungled, popped water beds,
Told Heath, lord's messiahs are dead now.
We were festivly wrapped up, psychoticly messed up,
rivalry topped up, mind does a seance with my heart stop,
Kid's Xmas toys hacked up.
Your listening to GG, you'll bear a likeness to some heart that's sweet,
Prodigy of a man on two feet, turn wine up and water be'it,
Damn homey's got a fucked persona, "wassup widya", walking like a Lucasizer,
Little Jack Horner, thumb pie warmed ya,
now noose get's a hanger.
Who's the one to diss? Wha? Wha? Wha?
Original Grisly Material
Shorty and Skip
Break out the cereal
Dog in the pound try an' run far while end is really, just destruction by injection,
I'm smitten times thirty, try feats t'be seen,
go invoke the lead don't be green,
Oz's fucked really hard, coz the states,
Have a dead beat as a presidential cheat.
We won't dare, allied meet, and cause a hostile heat
Just come of age and don't trip it out with new rage,
Get out of the social cage, rock the age what mean the word sage?,
So Skip-pay, you found a way, but don't tell the juniour the first and easy hey,
We're say or stay, these feelings come the right way,
Heap needed warming salvay',heap needed warming salvay',
Chip down coasters offright from last year's big forest night in the next tree bite,
King's rook 'em at nine minutes twenty-nine, lock 'em in check line,
I got into many a fight, deluded with my rights, now know that reality bites,
deluded with my rights, deluded with my rights,
reality bites.
Who's the one to diss? Wha? Wha? Wha?
Original Grisly Material
Shorty and Skip
Break out the cereal
Here's the Extrememly Literal Days of Xmas song you've all been waiting for
Seasons greetings
On the 12th day of Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival my significant other in a consenting, adult, monogamous, relationship gave to me:
Twelve males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.
Eleven pipers piping (plus an 18 member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract, even though they will not be asked to play a note.)
Ten melanin deprived testosterone poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping.
Nine persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression.
Eight economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved bovine Americans.
Seven endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands.
Six enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products.
Five golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration.(After members ofl the Animal Liberation Front threatened to tthrow red paint at my computer, the calling birds, hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslaavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)
Four hours of recorded whale songs.
Three deconstructionist poets.
Two Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses, and
One Spotted owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Good Kwanzaa,, Blessed Yule, and Happy Holidays*
*unless you are suffering from seasonally affected disorder(SAD). If this is the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with the suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Have you drugged your kids today?"
The following From: "Bryan White" (wchslightman@hotmail.com)
"You're just jealous because the voices talk to me."
"I do what the voices in my head tell me to do."
And one that I made up--at least I think...
"Just because everyone's out to get me doesn't mean I'm paranoid."
or
"I'm not paranoid, it's just that the world's out to get me."
1-800-PSYCH
Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have a masochistic complex, please press "0" for the operator. There are 200 calls ahead of you.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Queens Disoriented Are.
DEMENTIA - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!
PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE - On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).
TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS
10. You wake up at 3a.m. to go to the bathroom, and check your
email on the way back to bed.
9. Your firstborn is named dotcom.
8. You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of
emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
7. You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop in your lap...and your
child in the overhead compartment.
6. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two,
just for the free Internet access.
5. You find yourself typing "com" after every period.com
4. You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
3. You move into a new home and decide to netscape before you landscape.
2. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
DRUM ROLL PLEASE
AND THE NO. 1 SIGN THAT YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO JOIN E-MAILERS ANONYMOUS:
1. Immediately after reading this list, you email it to someone.
JACK (FUCK MARTHA STEWART)
String-green stripe patterns, telemall shopping,
What are we really? Consuming lab rats, by-products of lifestyle obsession
But aren't we men? Yes, men is what we are.
I am Jack's failing individuality.
The Red Door, what does it contain? Necessity
What's a duvet? Comfort? No
It's a blanket. Jack needs this not.
Jack needs to trade in his life.
Jack needs home-mixed soap.
In order to set himself free.
The Blue Door, is hiding what? Deprivation
It's only after we've lost everything
That we're free to do anything.
The things you own, end up owning you.
I am Jack's materialistic vanity.
The Yellow Door, something better?
Designer cuisine, essential for social status
Fit not for mortals..
MSG makes live gluggy.
I am Jack's raging bile duct.
The first rule of social life
You do not ask questions.
Does not death answer all questions?
The ultimate conclusion, why not release it upon
People early? Their misdeeds are justified.
I am Jack's smirking revenge.
Governments do all but what's right.
I am Jack's colon.
The world creates excess stress and worry.
I am Jack's medulla oblongata.
I am the thinking but non speaking.
I am Jack.
“Quiz Show Essay"
Dictionary Definition: n. 1. (functioning as pl.)A code of behaviour, esp. of a particular group, profession or individual. 2. (functioning as pl.) The moral fitness of a decision, course of action, etc. 3. (functioning as sing.) The study of the moral value of human conduct.
My Definition of Ethics
I define ethics as a sort of an unwritten social code of behaviour, an accepted definition of what is right and what is wrong and what is considered morally right by society. Ethics can change over time, when people have new ideas that come to be accepted by people. For example, fifty years ago, wearing a bikini on the beach would probably have gotten you arrested whereas nowadays it's considered perfectly normal to wear revealing clothes.
Also, people used to be much more racist towards black people many years ago, and now everyone is considered fairly equal by society. Social ethics always change over time.
I chose the first task, to choose two characters and explain how they acted unethically in the movie. My characters were Dan Enright, the producer of "Twenty One" and Charles van Doren, the pretty-boy contestant.
Dan Enright
Dan Enright, I feel, acted unethically in many ways. He seemed only to do what he thought, was good for ratings, which was good for the program, which was good for NBC, which eventually was good for him. He seemed to have no conscience for the way he rigged the quiz show, so the contestants would only get a small benefit compared to NBCs, and that he was committing the crime of extortion, to get the people to do what he wanted. He used many ways of persuasion to get them to stay on the show. His main weapon was the money, the temptation of the large amounts of money was too much for the contestants to say no to, so they would stay on the show, and allow it to be rigged, even though they knew what they were doing was wrong. He gave the contestants false hopes of stardom which were fulfilled... for a while. Then they were scrapped and forgotten and a new contestant was found to blackmail. So they were but pawns in his game of multimedia chess.
No one watching the show knew it was rigged, because they got what they wanted and that satisfied them. The contestant mix of a Jewish person or some minority as a peoples hero, and then a gentile, someone to be admired, most always a WASP (white, Anglo-Saxon, protestant). The two main contestants Enright manipulated were Herbert Stempel, the Jewish trivia master, and Charles van Doren, the handsome, WASP, college professor.
He forced Herb Stempel to get a question wrong, in order to take him off the show. And what the really bad part was, he didn't come up with a question that most people wouldn't get, but a question most people would, and made Stempel look quite the fool. He 've told him to get any of them wrong, but for some reason he made him get that particular one wrong.
He led the public to believe that the show's questions were locked in a bank vault when in actual fact, they were given to the contestant, who was supposed to win, days before the show aired, to make sure they always got the right answer, and so the show would run exactly as Enright and the NBC President had planned. The 'secret' questions and answers were even brought to the studio on the night of airing in an armoured car with a police escort and for what? Nothing, it was all a facade, the impression of secrecy. Enright was misleading the public, lying to them. Making them believe in something that was false. They liked the show because they thought it was exciting, with the pressure and the fact it was so difficult and the people featured on it were so smart. They believed all this and none of it was true, the contestants were really no more than actors, maybe not in profession, but still acting a role. Enright even taught them what to do, mop the brow with a handkerchief, when to hesitate, the fan in their booth was turned off so they would perspire and seem nervous, when all they had to do was remember the answers, not struggle to think of the right answer, but to remember the right answer they had seen the night before.
Charles van Doren
Charles van Doren mainly acted unethically in the fact that he knew that Twenty-One was rigged, he knew what he was doing was wrong, unethical and unfair, and he still went along with it. He lapped up the attention, he loved being a famous figure, he loved that his was now a household name. It wasn't until the end of the film that his conscience caught up with him and he did what was right. But all the time he was on the show, he was getting the answers or at least the questions. He didn't bat an eyelid when accused of going along with the scandal. He was in league with Enright from the beginning. At his interview with Enright before he appeared on the show, he was approached with the idea of taking Stempel off the show and being the new champ with all the answers previously given to him. He first replied "No, it just doesn't seem right. And after a pause added “That was part of the test right? Meaning he loved the idea of rigging it and only said he thought it was wrong because he thought that the whole thing was a test to see how good a person he was to be on the show and he'd better say no in case he was turned down. But it wasn't, and he wasn't and he went along with whatever Enright said, winning over ,000, dishonestly. Enright used the power of money to lure van Doren in at first. He was discreetly mocked my Enright and his friend over his salary of a week. And when he thought about this, he realized he'd much rather the , in winnings. All throughout the movie, there are little things that are supposed to eat away at his conscience. One example was when we was in his office at college, and a group of giggling women started telling him they were in his literature class. One woman asks about a Shakespearean line. She asks "is it true what's said about truth beauty, ya know, the whole the truth is a beautiful thing?" At this question, our man van Doren flinches and promptly closes the door, showing that his conscience is catching up with him. Shutting the door is like him shutting out the guilt, pushing it to the back of his mind, because he doesn't want to be reminded that he's part of a huge scandal. As the movie progresses, he starts to feel more uncomfortable with the idea and asks Enright if he could only have the questions, not the answers, so he could look up the answers on his own, as a way of easing the guilt, diluting the mental poison if you will. Eventually he gave in and decided to come clean. Still, he thought that he was the victim of the scandal, when all he did was help it. He didn't want to be part of the trial over the show because of the disgrace and what it would do to his career. So still, he was covering up. The only really ethical thing he does in the movie is testify in the trial at the end.
WATER OR COKE?
This is really an eye opener!
We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before.
WATER
1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.)
2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.
5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?
COKE
1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for sumptuous brown gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION:
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.
2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!
Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water or coke?
-WELL I'D STILL SAY COKE. EVEN THOUGH IT DISGUSTS ME IT'S STILL TASTY!!
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There's more to come people!br>
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What this is gay? no it's not, it's funny
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Pic of the day.
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Top 10 Reasons for being Canadian/American/English
Top 10 reasons for being American:
1.You can have a woman president without electing her.
2.You can spell "color" the wrong way and get away with it.
3.You can call Budweiser "beer".
4.You can be a crook and still be president.
5.If you have enough money you can get elected to anything.
6.If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7.You get to be really obese.
8.You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and no-one seems to care much at all.
9.You get to call everyone you've ever meet on earth "buddy".
10.You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
10a.When you're not.
10b.At all.
Top 10 reasons for being Canadian:
1.It beats being American
2.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3.You can play hockey for 12 months of the year outdoors.
4.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5.Where else can you travel 2000kms over fresh water in a canoe?
6.A political leader can admit to smoking dope nd his/her electoral popularity will actually rise.
7.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8.Kill grizzly bears with huge sawn-off shotguns and cover your wooden house in their skins.
9.Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
Top 10 reasons for being English:
1.You get to have a queen that is 100 yrs old and needs a blood transfusion to stay alive.
2.Only country whose dollar can buy large fries at mcdonalds in America.
3.You have your own "red light district".
4.You get to see the Big Ben and some clock in the sky...
5.Your able to build a church, become rich and download porn at the same time.
6.Your actually English.
7.A political leader can become p.m without knowing where his/her office is.
8.7th best country to live in.
9.You don't have to care 'cause you already know the country has gone to the shithouse.
10.You don't have Mel Gibson.
One kick-ass funny site! Killfrog.com
Rotten.com
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We're not trying to dis-respect anyone just giving you the top 10 reasons
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